Hanging up the dress

The past few days have had me thinking about whether I should continue dressing or not. One of the things I realized pretty quickly was that I haven't dressed up once properly in about a month. Just the occassional bit of underwear and the new sexy outfit from Rob so that I can get my rocks off. Is that all this is for me now? Am I just doing this to get to that orgasm? Rubbing one out isn't kinky enough anymore so I have to dress up, slip something up my butthole and moan out dirty things until I spurt. But is any of that important? I don't think so. I suppose what I am trying to work out is how important is dressing to me. I already know the answer, I am just surprised by it. It is very important to a lot of people to indulge their feminine habits, alter-ego's, personalities .etc depending on who you are and how you see yourself. It's not for me anymore, I'm not sure it ever was.

At one point I know it was really escapism, to stop my life from being to mundane. To give me a secret to keep and a reason to be nervous. I mean what would happen if somebody found out that I like to wear a thong while I get my rocks off. Not much actually, there would probably be a few comments and down the line it would be a running joke but I doubt anyone would really care. People tend to be too wrapped up in their own lives anyway. So that lead me to think well why not just come out then and tell everyone about it, I mean that is what I have been saying I want to do for the past 8 months really. I think I was lying to myself though, the whole attraction of it to my psyche was that it was something I had to hide and it gave me an excuse for not working and to be lazy. The angrier more driven side of myself wanted that excuse gone so that I could finally move on and do some work, the logic was that if I told everyone I couldn't hide behind it. I thought I wanted to write this blog, to be a tranvestite through and through. Be the best transvestite possible, show people how it's done, learn all about it and make money off it. But all of that was just another excuse not to work because I was about to do all that. It was ok because tomorrow I was going to take measurements, pictures, write articles because there is always tomorrow. Now I am tired of tomorrows.

After looking at myself more closely I have seen what I think to be true and that all of this is just an excuse not to do any work. So I can just sit comfortably until I'm old and dead. Not anymore though, that has to stop. I have to do something. So why not do the tranvestite thing? I don't like how much people judge things based upon how they look. It's natural, we can't help it but that doesn't stop me from disliking it. I don't think I look good as a woman, I have a pretty masculine face and I am not the sort of person who wants to spend an hour looking in the mirror trying to get eyeshadow right. That's not me. I understand if you enjoy it, if you like wearing make up and making yourself look different but when I change my look I do it because I want to change how I feel. How I feel is represented by what I wear, my expression, my hair, nails, everything really. Right now I don't feel like pampering, pruning or painting myself. I don't want to cover up my flaws or try and make myself look gorgeous. I want to put that effort elsewhere. I would still like to learn how to do make up, but primarily to teach others. In the future I want to meet people, to understand this phenomenon better and to help where I can. But I want to be objective about it. I don't have to be a full time transvestite and that's not what I really want to do. I will still write this blog, but it will probably be different.

Gender seems to be very important to a lot of people but to me it is almost entirely irrelevant. The only times it really enters my brain is when I go to use a public toilet, one of them usually has urinals. This isn't about being feminine to me only being free. I wish we lived in a society that was a little less judgemental and allowed people more freedom with their clothes. It is getting better and if my desires change I'm sure I'll end up wearing dresses and skirts out. For now I'm sticking to jeans though. Let me know what you think with a comment or message and I'll be back with more soon. Take care everyone :)

Hopefully the final update before revamp

I am doing lil bits of work on the blog, getting the new layout sorted and coming up with some new ideas for posts and stuffs for people to use and look at. It won't be done for a while yet and I won't be putting anything new up on here before it is done. The one thing holding me back still is that I haven't told my best friend that I am a transvestite yet. I seem to have no real trouble being honest about things at the moment but find being open hard. This will probably seem very strange considering that I am writing this in a blog for anybody to read but I don't actually enjoy talking about myself all that much, some topics are fine because they are easy and not really that personal. But when it comes to personal things I tend to keep them locked down so that nobody can see them. I will tell him soon, that's a promise, more to myself than anyone else really. But once I have told him then I will start putting in all the changes I want to do, they probably won't be anything too major and some of you lovely readers may not even notice the difference hehe but I think they need to be done and once they are this blog will just be better. I am hoping that once I have unloaded my secret then I can start working on this full time and create some decent and useful content. Have fun and take care :)

Really sorry!

I'm really sorry for the lack of posts and dedication to my blog over the past month. I will be posting a lot more regularly very soon and with a lot more info on what's going on. I have a lot going on in my head at the moment though and I need to resolve a few issues before I continue with this properly. But today is just a little update to say that I bought some high heels for £7.95, which I think is pretty darned cheap considering they were brand new, on Friday. They arrived today. Great service, well done to Amazon and the Royal Mail. They aren't perfect, have a little tiny scuff on the bottom and at the toe I think but I'm not going to complain about them as they were the last pair and I got them dead cheap. Plus they are mainly just for wearing around the house. They are sort of a blue suedey material with a 3 1/4 inch heel for me to practice walking in. Below is a pic but there will be many more pics to come I hope :)

I really like them and I'm sure over time I will grow to love wearing heels as they do feel pretty sexy to wear hehe. Also Mum got me some base coat nail polish so I can put that on tomorrow and do all my nails so that I can has sexy nails! Woot woot that's the sound of the polish! :P (yes that is a terrible pun I know :P) I hope you are having fun and I'll try to post more soon :)

New Arrivals but not enough depatures!

Ok the past 2 days have been a little mixed. Yesterday started off really nicely because my new tights were delivered which was awesome. In a parcel bag that was far too big for them hehe. I have tried on a pair and they are a little bit short but fit nicely enough. I'm saving them for after tomorrows events which I shall get into a little bit later. I had a shower and then epilated some more. It does hurt quite a bit, although I have found that singing while you do it helps. Takes your mind off it just a tiny bit while you rip all the hairs from your precious body. I have also found that just going slow and smooth is the best way. Don't go back and forward, up and down, round and around. Just slowly keep going alllllll the way down your leg. I did this method and it worked really nicely up to the point where I had to stop midway through doing my left shin because my hair dresser was about to turn up to cut my hair. I had taken too long over it by being a bit of a sissy and doing it wrong. But now I know that you just plow on through and you get the best results it will take a lot less time, woohoo! My hair dresser cut the absoulte minimum off my hair too really while giving it  a much better shape. I think I have quite a bit to work with so hopefully I will be able to take some sexy pics when I finally get some make up!

This morning I received my new thongs, again in a parcel bag far too big for them. I'm wearing one of them right now. Tis pretty comfy and quite roomy, I'm going to try on the larger size later too and see which I prefer. Unfortunately they don't seem to be selling them anymore, I'm really glad I made the most of the deal though. £4.80 for 10 thongs is pretty darned good! Really helps me replace my yucky man underwear with slightly nicer budget ladies undies hehe. Over time I hope to add more and more undies to my collection obviously so that I can get some silky ones or satiny ones. It does just feel nice and exciting though to know that I can wear underwear designed for women every day week in week out now though :)

Tomorrow is another shower and then more epilating but also I think I'm going to cook up some sugar wax and use that on my right leg instead. So then I can have a complete comparison between the two methods. I have all the stuffs for it I think and have been looking at recipes. I'll make sure to post the results on here and well as the method. I'm really hoping it works well because I want to finally be entirely bare, smooth and soft to the touch, rather than how my left leg is now which is half hair in a really awkward pattern! It looks really weird and I can't think of a decent explanation for it other than the truth, not that anyone would see and ask. So far this year has gone pretty well for my feminisation, lets see just how deep this rabbit hole goes though.

New undies on their way :)

So Santa didn't really do his job thoroughly enough and give me a shit tonne of money or lots of new sexy clothes and accessories. I did get a lil christmas money though which I am very gradually spending and trying to stretch as far as I can. So this evening I decided what would be a nice idea would be to try and replace all of my male underwear with womens. Unfortunately after a little investigation I found out that if I wanted really nice undies I would have to spend pretty much all my moneys in order to be constantly pantied in the sexiest things. Which is understandable really as it is worth doing I think. Feeling sexy is a really wonderful thing. So instead I decided to try out a very cheap multipack from the wonderful debenhams and see if the thongs they do are actually comfortable enough for me to wear every day all the time. I'm really hoping that they are because I have 10 of them on the way so I should be set hehe. This also means that any new underwear I get can be worn for special times or when I finally get to go out on a date or something. I have that delivery to look forward to now which is great, my other kinky one came today and I'm really happy with that hehe.

I got 3 pairs of tights too just because I don't have any and would love to be wearing tights everyday now especially as it is so cold. After this weekend they will be incredibly useful too as they will help keep my (hopefully) incredibly hairless legs warm so that I can go out and enjoy myself. I also have my eye on some high heels on amazon but I'm not sure if I trust the sizing on there and whether to get them or not. I could always send them back but hmmm. Food for thought. My Mum gave me a lovely nail care set before she went to sleep tonight which I am really grateful for and will be using in a moment to do my toe nails so that I can paint them while I watch 30 rock, which is awesome by the way! I hope you all have had a fantastic week and wonderful plans for the weekend xx

An excitingly hairless weekend ahead!

My body hair is actually starting to annoy me just by being there which is surely a sign that different things are going in my head hehe. But this weekend all of it will be removed :) I have got my shins, chest and armpits to take care of. The only hair on my body from the nexk down will be the love heart that's going to be trimmed delicately into my love rug hehe. But to make things more interesting I am going to try out this sugar waxing recipe that has been very lovingly presented to me on FetLife on my right leg and epilating the rest to see the difference between the two. I'm hoping that the waxing isn't too painful and I think I will be able to handle it. So soon I will be entirely bare apart from a lil dainty heart, tis hard to be manly with that kinda body hehe! But tomorrow will be fun because I am going to be shaping and painting my nails again hopefully as well as recording a voice over for my latest vid which will be going up on my kinky blog soon :) My finger nails are getting to the point where they are actually TOO long I think so I'm going to trim them down a little bit after taking some pics and then shape them so they all match and then maybe if I am feeling really bold I might just paint them, but I will probably save that until maybe the weekend too. I am still yet to tell my best friend about all this but I will do very soon so that he can help me create the ultimate in feminization diets and workout routines. Should be a very femme week with my lil delivery coming too, I hope you all have fun and make the most of this new year :)

Epilated and now I'm bobbly

I epilated my thighs on Tuesday and my left foot because I wanted to test it on a couple of areas. Apparently you should in order to make sure that your skin isn't too sensitive for it. It works really nicely but it is a little painful. If you are really sensitive to pain and don't like it then epilating really isn't for you I don't think. Although I'm sure you could have some pain killers and get through it just fine. I was expecting it to be a lot more painful than it was actually but it still stang like a thousand little bees. The best idea though is to epilate an area lightly for just a moment and then stop. Then go back to it a minute or two later and it should be less painful. I think your endorphins kick in and stop the pain or something. If you want to make the session a bit more kinky you could probably spank yourself quite roughly and then be completely fine with it. Just don't spank while you do it because you may end up slipping and doing yourself some damage! Hehe!

My legs are a bit bobbly at the moment though and were fairly red yesterday but they bobbles are mostly going down. Apparently this is a natural reaction to the first time you epilate and can happen the first few times you do it. So I am going to exfoliate using the special brush they have given me in just a minute in order to keep my skin clean and lower the risk of in growns. Tomorrow I may epilate some more of my legs or somewhere else if my thighs have calmed down a bit. If you have had any experience epilating then please feel free to e-mail me or leave a comment below, I always love to hear from my readers :) Have fun and stay hairless hehe!