Hanging up the dress

The past few days have had me thinking about whether I should continue dressing or not. One of the things I realized pretty quickly was that I haven't dressed up once properly in about a month. Just the occassional bit of underwear and the new sexy outfit from Rob so that I can get my rocks off. Is that all this is for me now? Am I just doing this to get to that orgasm? Rubbing one out isn't kinky enough anymore so I have to dress up, slip something up my butthole and moan out dirty things until I spurt. But is any of that important? I don't think so. I suppose what I am trying to work out is how important is dressing to me. I already know the answer, I am just surprised by it. It is very important to a lot of people to indulge their feminine habits, alter-ego's, personalities .etc depending on who you are and how you see yourself. It's not for me anymore, I'm not sure it ever was.

At one point I know it was really escapism, to stop my life from being to mundane. To give me a secret to keep and a reason to be nervous. I mean what would happen if somebody found out that I like to wear a thong while I get my rocks off. Not much actually, there would probably be a few comments and down the line it would be a running joke but I doubt anyone would really care. People tend to be too wrapped up in their own lives anyway. So that lead me to think well why not just come out then and tell everyone about it, I mean that is what I have been saying I want to do for the past 8 months really. I think I was lying to myself though, the whole attraction of it to my psyche was that it was something I had to hide and it gave me an excuse for not working and to be lazy. The angrier more driven side of myself wanted that excuse gone so that I could finally move on and do some work, the logic was that if I told everyone I couldn't hide behind it. I thought I wanted to write this blog, to be a tranvestite through and through. Be the best transvestite possible, show people how it's done, learn all about it and make money off it. But all of that was just another excuse not to work because I was about to do all that. It was ok because tomorrow I was going to take measurements, pictures, write articles because there is always tomorrow. Now I am tired of tomorrows.

After looking at myself more closely I have seen what I think to be true and that all of this is just an excuse not to do any work. So I can just sit comfortably until I'm old and dead. Not anymore though, that has to stop. I have to do something. So why not do the tranvestite thing? I don't like how much people judge things based upon how they look. It's natural, we can't help it but that doesn't stop me from disliking it. I don't think I look good as a woman, I have a pretty masculine face and I am not the sort of person who wants to spend an hour looking in the mirror trying to get eyeshadow right. That's not me. I understand if you enjoy it, if you like wearing make up and making yourself look different but when I change my look I do it because I want to change how I feel. How I feel is represented by what I wear, my expression, my hair, nails, everything really. Right now I don't feel like pampering, pruning or painting myself. I don't want to cover up my flaws or try and make myself look gorgeous. I want to put that effort elsewhere. I would still like to learn how to do make up, but primarily to teach others. In the future I want to meet people, to understand this phenomenon better and to help where I can. But I want to be objective about it. I don't have to be a full time transvestite and that's not what I really want to do. I will still write this blog, but it will probably be different.

Gender seems to be very important to a lot of people but to me it is almost entirely irrelevant. The only times it really enters my brain is when I go to use a public toilet, one of them usually has urinals. This isn't about being feminine to me only being free. I wish we lived in a society that was a little less judgemental and allowed people more freedom with their clothes. It is getting better and if my desires change I'm sure I'll end up wearing dresses and skirts out. For now I'm sticking to jeans though. Let me know what you think with a comment or message and I'll be back with more soon. Take care everyone :)

Really sorry!

I'm really sorry for the lack of posts and dedication to my blog over the past month. I will be posting a lot more regularly very soon and with a lot more info on what's going on. I have a lot going on in my head at the moment though and I need to resolve a few issues before I continue with this properly. But today is just a little update to say that I bought some high heels for £7.95, which I think is pretty darned cheap considering they were brand new, on Friday. They arrived today. Great service, well done to Amazon and the Royal Mail. They aren't perfect, have a little tiny scuff on the bottom and at the toe I think but I'm not going to complain about them as they were the last pair and I got them dead cheap. Plus they are mainly just for wearing around the house. They are sort of a blue suedey material with a 3 1/4 inch heel for me to practice walking in. Below is a pic but there will be many more pics to come I hope :)

I really like them and I'm sure over time I will grow to love wearing heels as they do feel pretty sexy to wear hehe. Also Mum got me some base coat nail polish so I can put that on tomorrow and do all my nails so that I can has sexy nails! Woot woot that's the sound of the polish! :P (yes that is a terrible pun I know :P) I hope you are having fun and I'll try to post more soon :)

New Arrivals but not enough depatures!

Ok the past 2 days have been a little mixed. Yesterday started off really nicely because my new tights were delivered which was awesome. In a parcel bag that was far too big for them hehe. I have tried on a pair and they are a little bit short but fit nicely enough. I'm saving them for after tomorrows events which I shall get into a little bit later. I had a shower and then epilated some more. It does hurt quite a bit, although I have found that singing while you do it helps. Takes your mind off it just a tiny bit while you rip all the hairs from your precious body. I have also found that just going slow and smooth is the best way. Don't go back and forward, up and down, round and around. Just slowly keep going alllllll the way down your leg. I did this method and it worked really nicely up to the point where I had to stop midway through doing my left shin because my hair dresser was about to turn up to cut my hair. I had taken too long over it by being a bit of a sissy and doing it wrong. But now I know that you just plow on through and you get the best results it will take a lot less time, woohoo! My hair dresser cut the absoulte minimum off my hair too really while giving it  a much better shape. I think I have quite a bit to work with so hopefully I will be able to take some sexy pics when I finally get some make up!

This morning I received my new thongs, again in a parcel bag far too big for them. I'm wearing one of them right now. Tis pretty comfy and quite roomy, I'm going to try on the larger size later too and see which I prefer. Unfortunately they don't seem to be selling them anymore, I'm really glad I made the most of the deal though. £4.80 for 10 thongs is pretty darned good! Really helps me replace my yucky man underwear with slightly nicer budget ladies undies hehe. Over time I hope to add more and more undies to my collection obviously so that I can get some silky ones or satiny ones. It does just feel nice and exciting though to know that I can wear underwear designed for women every day week in week out now though :)

Tomorrow is another shower and then more epilating but also I think I'm going to cook up some sugar wax and use that on my right leg instead. So then I can have a complete comparison between the two methods. I have all the stuffs for it I think and have been looking at recipes. I'll make sure to post the results on here and well as the method. I'm really hoping it works well because I want to finally be entirely bare, smooth and soft to the touch, rather than how my left leg is now which is half hair in a really awkward pattern! It looks really weird and I can't think of a decent explanation for it other than the truth, not that anyone would see and ask. So far this year has gone pretty well for my feminisation, lets see just how deep this rabbit hole goes though.

New undies on their way :)

So Santa didn't really do his job thoroughly enough and give me a shit tonne of money or lots of new sexy clothes and accessories. I did get a lil christmas money though which I am very gradually spending and trying to stretch as far as I can. So this evening I decided what would be a nice idea would be to try and replace all of my male underwear with womens. Unfortunately after a little investigation I found out that if I wanted really nice undies I would have to spend pretty much all my moneys in order to be constantly pantied in the sexiest things. Which is understandable really as it is worth doing I think. Feeling sexy is a really wonderful thing. So instead I decided to try out a very cheap multipack from the wonderful debenhams and see if the thongs they do are actually comfortable enough for me to wear every day all the time. I'm really hoping that they are because I have 10 of them on the way so I should be set hehe. This also means that any new underwear I get can be worn for special times or when I finally get to go out on a date or something. I have that delivery to look forward to now which is great, my other kinky one came today and I'm really happy with that hehe.

I got 3 pairs of tights too just because I don't have any and would love to be wearing tights everyday now especially as it is so cold. After this weekend they will be incredibly useful too as they will help keep my (hopefully) incredibly hairless legs warm so that I can go out and enjoy myself. I also have my eye on some high heels on amazon but I'm not sure if I trust the sizing on there and whether to get them or not. I could always send them back but hmmm. Food for thought. My Mum gave me a lovely nail care set before she went to sleep tonight which I am really grateful for and will be using in a moment to do my toe nails so that I can paint them while I watch 30 rock, which is awesome by the way! I hope you all have had a fantastic week and wonderful plans for the weekend xx

An excitingly hairless weekend ahead!

My body hair is actually starting to annoy me just by being there which is surely a sign that different things are going in my head hehe. But this weekend all of it will be removed :) I have got my shins, chest and armpits to take care of. The only hair on my body from the nexk down will be the love heart that's going to be trimmed delicately into my love rug hehe. But to make things more interesting I am going to try out this sugar waxing recipe that has been very lovingly presented to me on FetLife on my right leg and epilating the rest to see the difference between the two. I'm hoping that the waxing isn't too painful and I think I will be able to handle it. So soon I will be entirely bare apart from a lil dainty heart, tis hard to be manly with that kinda body hehe! But tomorrow will be fun because I am going to be shaping and painting my nails again hopefully as well as recording a voice over for my latest vid which will be going up on my kinky blog soon :) My finger nails are getting to the point where they are actually TOO long I think so I'm going to trim them down a little bit after taking some pics and then shape them so they all match and then maybe if I am feeling really bold I might just paint them, but I will probably save that until maybe the weekend too. I am still yet to tell my best friend about all this but I will do very soon so that he can help me create the ultimate in feminization diets and workout routines. Should be a very femme week with my lil delivery coming too, I hope you all have fun and make the most of this new year :)

Epilated and now I'm bobbly

I epilated my thighs on Tuesday and my left foot because I wanted to test it on a couple of areas. Apparently you should in order to make sure that your skin isn't too sensitive for it. It works really nicely but it is a little painful. If you are really sensitive to pain and don't like it then epilating really isn't for you I don't think. Although I'm sure you could have some pain killers and get through it just fine. I was expecting it to be a lot more painful than it was actually but it still stang like a thousand little bees. The best idea though is to epilate an area lightly for just a moment and then stop. Then go back to it a minute or two later and it should be less painful. I think your endorphins kick in and stop the pain or something. If you want to make the session a bit more kinky you could probably spank yourself quite roughly and then be completely fine with it. Just don't spank while you do it because you may end up slipping and doing yourself some damage! Hehe!

My legs are a bit bobbly at the moment though and were fairly red yesterday but they bobbles are mostly going down. Apparently this is a natural reaction to the first time you epilate and can happen the first few times you do it. So I am going to exfoliate using the special brush they have given me in just a minute in order to keep my skin clean and lower the risk of in growns. Tomorrow I may epilate some more of my legs or somewhere else if my thighs have calmed down a bit. If you have had any experience epilating then please feel free to e-mail me or leave a comment below, I always love to hear from my readers :) Have fun and stay hairless hehe!

A so-so Christmas

I had a pretty fun Christmas but unfortunately I didn't get anything at all feminine for it. My parents played it safe and got me some other lovely things instead, I can't help but feel like I would have rather had other things for the same money but that's just my desperation talking. I know I will be getting some moneys off my grandparents though so I bought an epilator of Amazon because it was on a lightning deal and looked pretty darned good. Oh and I also got a thermometer for Christmas so I can make some sugar wax. So next year I will be able to try out a couple of new ways of removing hair and report back on what I think of them :) I can't wait for the epilator to come as I really want to see the new year in with entirely hairless legs hehe. I currently still only have 2 entrants to the admirer of the month competition so if you want to enter then please message me, also if I talk to you a fair bit please don't just assume you've been entered into it. You gots ta ask, thems the rules hehe. Also if you haven't don't the polls yet then please do so because I will be doing what the public has voted for on the 1st of January and won't be changing my path until the 1st of February, if the results have changed by then. If they haven't then I'll just be continuing on until the 1st of March .etc etc I hope this makes sense and you check them out :) Have fun and plenty of orgasms!

Busy week!

Hey everybody, sorry but I had a really busy week this week. It has been pretty fun though, I got to go and see The Hobbit at the Imax in London yesterday and that was amazing! All thanks to an awesome friend of mine who is just amazingly awesomes. I still haven't come out to him yet but I will soon, its just finding the right sort of moment really. I'll have a flick through my photos that I have in a minute and see if there are any that I think are good enough to go up but if not then I will take some more on Monday probably as that is when I will finally get some time to myself. I have also been working on writing a new kinky story for the kinky blog which I hope you will enjoy. I've got some fun ideas for multi-chapter stories as well which I might write too depending on what the thoughts are on this one. I may put this on the some other websites too in order to increase it's exposure a little bit. Writing it is a lot of fun though as I get to let my kinky brain run nice and wild hehe! Best get back to it so have fun and don't work too hard!

Just a few thoughts

I thought it was about time I put down some of my personal feelings about all of this on here, partly to share them with you but also to try and make sense of them. I think that a period of transition is hard for anyone really, I have met very few people who have welcomed change with open arms. I think it's within out nature and conditioning that we don't tend to accept change all that well unless it is slow and rewarding. If you very gradually change yourself bit by bit the changes stick a lot better, especially if you feel good as you go along. This is one of the reasons I think I like wearing womens clothing. Whenever I put some on I am being constantly rewarded for it, either by people I'm talking to online or just the arousal I can get from wearing them. There have only been a few moments where I have worn them just because I wanted to and not got aroused from doing so. I mean an orgasm is a really good way to condition a response, if you have an orgasm while wearing a ladies thong the chances are you are going to want to wear it again hehe. But then it just expands and expands until you may find yourself all dolled up and playing frantically to the biggest orgasm you have ever had. I was like this for a while, but now I have split the two up. Sometimes I have intimate alone times while dressed up, other times I don't. Also I spend time dressed without rubbing or anything like that, the sole purpose not arousal but comfort and I would really like to expand on those times and see just what wearing womens clothing and being feminine actually means to me. If I keep doing my workouts though soon I will have to buy womens trousers or at least bigger ones as my butt is starting ot make my trousers get quite tight hehe.

Another reason that I think I might wear women's clothing is a sort of escapism, just stop being me for a little bit. I can pretend that I'm somebody else or just indulge a different side of my life and feel like I'm doing something rather than just sitting around. I have real problems at the moment with motivation, drive and self confidence which are really holding me back. But each day I try to combat them just a little bit more and soon I think I will be properly on the right path to achieving things worth talking about with people. I really need to break out of this funk so then I can start helping all sorts of people out, experiment and explore more of the world. Just to see what and who's out there. Get some more experiences under my garter belt hehe.

Currently though I feel like the thing holding me back the most, as far as transvestisism is concerned, is that I haven't told my best friend. I think he suspects it a little bit already but it's a relationship that is really precious to me so I don't want to f*** it up at all. He knows a lot about diets, food and exercise though so I'm hoping he will be supportive and help me workout a new diet and fitness regime that will help me look as feminine as possible which I can start next year. I'm thinking that 2013 will be my experimentally femme year where I will try out all sorts of things to see how they affect my body and mind. I'll post my results on here of course, the aim of which would be to create a resource you can use showing you my experiences and what I believe to be the best methods of feminization. I'll have to take my measurements and I'm trying to devise a little test that I can do at the start of the year and again at the end to see what has changed and I'll look around on the internet to see if there are any that I like. I'll be trying out pretty much everything I can afford to hehe, hair removal, make up, clothing styles .etc and try to be objective about them as well as say which ones I personally prefer. The other major bonus about telling my best friend will be the ability to wear make up .etc on a more permanent basis, which would be amazing. At the moment I only have nail polish but I would love to be able to do all my nails rather than just my toes, that would be a wonderful start hehe.

So far 7 people have filled in the polls page and I want to thank them ever so much for doing so. I think I'm going to make a little gif or sexy pic as a reward for doing them in order to entice people to do so hehe. Also I am thinking of upgrading all of the prizes for the competitions to an exclusive video each rather than a picture in an effort to encourage more people to enter. I have currently had NO entries, that's right 0, none, zilch, absolutely nobody has entered them yet. So if you are reading this then please at the very least think about entering because currently....you will win! Hehe! If only 1 person enters then they will win, get all the credit and a whole load of free exclusive stuffs.....which just doesn't seem fair. But please enter as I do actually need the content submitted in order to make this website even better. If you have any suggestions please send them to me or comment on this, I will read it and respond if I can. Also there is a new competition coming soon....so be ready for it! I'll be announcing it later and hopefully more people will want to enter this one! Hehe :P I hope you have fun and as always thank you for reading my blog :)

Todays presents!

Today my Mum came in while I was half asleep before she went to work and gave me 2 electric lady shavers and a thing which I think is one of those ultrasound tweezer type electric gizmos. I'm not sure how effective they are but I will ask her if she still has the instructions for it. This is all because I told her about an epilator on ebay that was on the daily deal yesterday which I liked and apparently she has one somewhere. So it looks like I am going to get to try out all sorts of different hair removal techniques :) I'm going to see which one I like the most and write a review for each so that hopefully they can help inform you as to which one is best for you. Soon I should be hairless again though :) Just going to wait until I have come out to my friend properly before I get rid of pretty much all my body hair :)